Velcro Kids

"Velcro Kids" is a term used by teachers to describe students who lack understanding of personal space. These students are usually the first to grab a chair to make your desk, their desk. Sometimes, they are the students who sneak into your classroom during homeroom or a core that is not theirs because that adult becomes the "Attachment Figure" or "AF" (Bergin & Bergin, 2009). At other times, it is the kids who talk to you about everything except academics. However, most times it is the students whose primary caretaker does not answer the phone, respond to an email, or as audience member in their students extracurricular.

Usually, these kids have physical identifiers. Some may have bruises from "running into a doorway," others have worn the same sweatshirt for the past week and will walk awkwardly, careful not to crease their new pair of knockoffs. Sometimes they have dark circles under their eyes that, even with their young, collagen-filled skin, can only develop from constant sleep deprivation. These students want to tell you stories of their band concert, soccer game, and results of a test they studied hard for. Others make conversation out of nothing solely for much-needed attention. What these kids do not want to talk about is what they are doing over the long weekend. They do not want to be asked about their summer plans or whether they are team iPhone or Android because they do not have either. These kids are never absent. Sometimes, it is for educators to pay too much attention to chronic absenteeism and question the students' and their parents' commitment to education. Instead, we reward the students who never miss school, when we should be asking a different question: why they have never missed school.

I am a 7^th grade English teacher in a Title 1 school in Hampton Roads, Virginia. 82% of my schools population consists of students of color, and an estimated 87% are economically disadvantaged (VDOE, School Quality Report, 2024). My school is considered a Title 1 school and is part of a "vulnerable population." As a young, novice educator I was looking for answers on how to validate my Velcro kids. The answers I looked for were tailored to my classroom's specific needs and were based on that population. I found that "… children's social competence at school has been found from preschool to high school, and from low-risk to high-risk populations, although the effects may be strongest for low-income, minority children" (Bergin & Bergin, 2009). As a middle school teacher of low-income, minority children in a high-risk space, this study started answering questions I was looking for. Meaning, how can I be a better Attachment Figure for these kids?

So what does being a healthy AF look like for vulnerable populations like my students and other urban schools alike?  Educational Psychologists Christi and David Bergin found that, "Children have biologically innate propensities to attach to adults who spend time with them and who care for them. Thus, children, especially young children, may seek to form attachment relationships with teachers" (Bergin & Bergin, 2009). I know that sounds obvious, but it confirms why my stickiest of students are sneaking into my room trying to talk to me about nothing. According to the research, the student's perspective on this attachment yields results such as, "…sixth to eighth graders who believed that their teacher cared about them were more motivated to try hard and pay attention in class, and earned higher grades" (Wentzel, 1997). Another study that is more specific to my current experience in my classroom and my Hampton Roads home found that, "Black youth were cooperative and engaged in the classrooms of teachers who focused on building trusting relationships with students; the same youth were suspended from another teacher's classroom for defiance" (Gregory & Ripski, 2008).

            Perhaps educators should be flattered to be chosen as an AF, but at the end of the day, my kids are 13 years old, and I see over 70 of them a day. When even a few of my students (unknowingly) demand attention from me, that takes away from the other students' right to learn, I get easily frustrated, saying phrases like "bookmark this conversation" or "if it is not school-related, I cannot talk about it right now." Through this research, I have discovered the detrimental effects it could have on my students and how it may mimic the interactions they have with their caregivers at home.

            Educators - when we know better, we do better. Same for our kiddos. We are in the business of building a better future, and with that comes moldable students, many of whom have only positive experiences with adults between 7:00 am and 1:55 pm. Remembering that "Attachment forms the basis for socializing children. As children and adults are drawn together and interact harmoniously, children adopt the adults' behavior and values" (Bergin & Bergin, 2009) realigns my priorities as an educator even on my most exhausting days. Since teaching can sometimes be a performative dance, it can be challenging to leave your problems at the classroom door and remain "on" for seven hours, meeting the academic, emotional, and social needs of your students. However, since that is a tall order, I had to see what research said counts as "building a relationship" without always having to be ears.

            The Hammill Institute on Disabilities published a short series titled "Effective Low-Intensity Strategies to Enhance School Success," which demonstrated that students given instructional choice in their education excelled compared to their peers who were limited to a single choice dictated by the teacher. Bergin and Bergin continue to prove this in their findings that "Caring teachers also grant autonomy to students during classroom assignments. In a study of fourth and sixth graders, children reported feeling greater rapport with adults who were autonomy supporting rather than controlling." When my Velcro kids need to see me as a positive attachment figure, but I know that I cannot be the best for them today, it is easier to release the students to make their own guided instructional choice as a way of saying, "you are smart, you are competent, and I trust you" without needing to make room for four more chairs at my desk. 

As educators prepare for the 2025-2026 school year, uncertainties of new students, the increasing achievement gap, and identifying the quality of students and teachers based on their test scores bring anxiety. However, after reading more about attachment styles, I realize that some of my stickiest students may be feeling the opposite. Instead, they are looking forward to safe space with food and temperate conditions because during the summer they never had pool parties or sleepovers to miss. So, if as educators we are listening to students in the same way we expect them to listen to us, autonomy and relationship building are the ingredients for academically and emotionally successful students, both in our classrooms and in the community.

References

Bergin, C., & Bergin, D. (2009). Attachment in the classroom. Educational Psychology Review, 21(2), 141–170. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10648-009-9104-0

Lane, K. L., Menzies, H. M., Ennis, R. P., Oakes, W. P., Royer, D. J., & Lane, K. S. (2018b, November 30). Instructional choice: An effective, efficient, low-intensity strategy to support student success. Beyond Behavior. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1199242