Only Men Can Have That.

Happy Women's History Month. Normally my writing wheel makes a hard left at topics like these, but I've been thinking and I want to tackle a glamorized topic. Love Languages. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five universal ways that individuals give and receive love: acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. This is not limited to romantic relationships, ok? I'm not sure when I was first introduced to love languages, but I'll take a confident guess and say it was somewhere in church or Christian school. I remember taking the quizzes in the books and online that through a series of scenarios ranked your love languages, one through five. My top two were routinely physical touch and gift-giving/receiving. However, because I grew up in Christian school, I felt ashamed that my main love language was physical touch. In Christian school, girls were allowed to have four out of the five love languages, and phsyical touch was not one of them. A physical touch love language meant sex. It also meant that we couldn't hug our guy classmates (because apparently everrrrrry guy comes with a default physical touch love language) and it would cause our "brothers in Christ to fall." To this day, I still side hug any guy that isn't T or family (if you know, you know). I hid that love language and cheated on the quizzes trying to identify with any other love language, because a physical touch love language, ya, only men can have that.

The study of love languages is analyzed from both a romantic and platonic standpoint. In the environment I was raised, they were reserved for romantic relationships. And because girls weren't allowed to have this love language and it was in a boys DNA, we were taught that once we became wives, part of our act of service to our spouse is to be readily available to meet that need. I never liked the way that sounded. Again, I was being told what love languages I was allowed to have. Comically enough, giving or receiving acts of service is dead last on my list. (I'll do my own dishes, thank you very much). A few years ago I finally took it upon myself to actually learn what these love languages meant and looked like, instead of being told from a sometimes legalistic vessel. I bought a copy of "The Five Love Languages For Singles" reading fast just to get to the physical touch part. Of course it covered the whole hugs, kissing, cuddling and sex part, but it also focused heavily on the part of physical touch that was conveniently omitted from my Christian school curriculum. People who have this love language respond to endearing touches while having a conversation, platonic hugs (side or not), even a top on the shoulder followed by a quick, "excuse me." I always found myself doing these things. If I was having a funny conversation with someone I'd be quick to slap their knee, not mine. In pictures, I'd always rest of my head on a shoulder, hold a hand, or just do that simple wrap your arms around each other thing. Lest we forget that it's literal human nature to thrive off physical touch from another being. It's the only love language that is not just a want, but an actual need.

So I won't be ashamed of a physical touch love language. I don't think anyone - girl or guy - should hide this. I think back to the Bible stories Christian school taught me. How Jesus greeted His disciples with a holy kiss, how He washed his disciples feet, and healed lepers, blind, and the crippled with a light graze of His hand. I come from a family of huggers, couch sharers, hand holders and cheek kissers. I understand, phsyical touch can be sensitive for some people, now more than ever in our age of consent. But, here are five love languages* for a reason and as a female -- I don't want to be taught I can only pick from four.

*here's the link for the different quizzes! https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/