On This Day 5 Years Ago

I coined a mantra ten years ago theorizing that the "best things happen in June and October." My best kisses always happened on breezy June nights and I had October memories of bare feet on the gym floor at homecoming, staying warm in a cute boys sweatshirt at a Friday night football game, and regretting eating the second funnel cake at the Manheim Farm Show. It never failed. The best things happened in June and October. I thought I achieved the ultimate "best October" when I got married five years ago this week. My Instagram and Facebook have relentlessly notified me with unwelcomed pictures and posts that say, "on this day...5, 4, 3, 2, and 1 year ago today." Here's what happened today.

5 years ago today:

I sat alone on the floor of my newly renovated home that in just two days would be a shared address of two kids that would share a last name and bank account. It wasn't big, but it was home. I checked the weather for the fifth time that day praying away the 42 degrees predicted forecast for my October 4th outdoor wedding. I looked down at my ring, freshly cleaned, and smiled. I was getting married. I was newly 19 years old and getting married. I saw nothing wrong with that.

4 years ago today:

"Everything happen in threes" I told my 20 year old self as I manically searched for my lost credit card while simultaneously yelling at the moving company via my speakerphone who were scheduled to arrive 30 minutes ago. My dad was on his way to my Lancaster apartment from Lititz personally delivering my new car; a VW Beetle. I was half dressed in a "Roaring 20's" dress, fish net tights, complimented by a feather pinned between my curls, but with a bare left ring finger. I would be attending a gala for the apartment association with my new company that I started with just six days prior. I hardly knew any one, but I wouldn't be late.

3 years ago today:

My dad told me never to date anyone who's name ends in a vowel. Three years ago today I was filing a "no trespassing" order and researching PFA's against my Italian ex-boyfriend. I have nothing else to say about this except endless "thank you's" to my co-workers who, I swear, kept me alive in more than one instance.

2 years ago today:

I spent the night, safe, loved, and held by my J-named, Jesus loving boy and our German Shepard.

1 year ago today:

Tears fell on my iPhone as I texted, "Zoe, please come home so you can tell me not to cut all my hair off." My phone "dinged" with that special tone that was reserved just for her as I read, "no, do it!" I put my hair in pig tails and settled for the only scissors I could find and hacked through nine inches of hair. The shock encompassed my body quicker than sadness and I welcomed the change of emotions. He was my best June, but this was my worst October.

Today:

Today I overslept. I woke up to cat paws and whiskers in my face as my impatient cats begged for food. I got dressed in an all black outfit and headed downtown at 8am to meet with my friend for morning yoga. Afterwards, she and I ruined our workout with asiago bagels and black coffee then I had an 11:15am appointment at my aunts salon to have my hair done. 365 days later and my hair has not grown back to it's original length, but, I had her highlight it back to my original hair color; an external alteration that intrinsically confirmed to me I'd come "full circle."

Next year social media will send me a generic message like, "Halle we care about your memories. Here's what happened 1 year ago today" and will remind me of this day and this post. Christian culture has such a habit of asking "what's your 5-year plan?" Had I stuck with my five year plan, I would be a stay-at-home mom of two, pregnant with my third, cooking dinner in my Insta-pot waiting for my husband to come home to relieve me from our toddlers. I don't understand this concept of "planning." I prefer "goals." The Bible uses the word "plan" but only as God promising to us that He has a plan for our lives. The Bible doesn't instruct us to tell God what our plans are for our lives. However, it does give us permission to ask for the desire of our hearts, but that's hardly synonymous. I've had a 5 year glow up that was completely unplanned. The desires of my heart have changed from mom of four by 2022 to "Halle Mosser, PhD" by 2024. I thank God everyday that the desires of my heart of changed. I thank Him that He knows the plans for my life; I don't. I have a goal to be writing a post like this one year from now in my College Park apartment lounging in University of Maryland apparel boasting verbiage and metaphors that only students of MFA in Creative Writing programs can articulate. That's just my goal. I'll find out what the plan was in a year.