"It's The Place To Be."

hallemosser895
Feb 18, 2018
3 min read

I remember being enrolled as a freshman at my private school, Living Word Academy, but fervently begging my dad to let me go to public school. We had moved out of the coveted Manheim Township area and were onto a more modest lifestyle in the Penn Manor school district. I wanted to go so bad that I even played the "God told me I should go" card. Maybe it was my relentless nagging, or the fact that saving 8k a year during the recession was wonderfully tempting, but per my request, my dad pulled me from private school and put me in public school for my spring semester. I hated it. I was disgustingly miserable. I couldn't comprehend this idea of vodka in Pepsi bottles at 8am in the morning, that consistent "skunk" smell, or the constant PDA in the hallways. I would come home from school riddled with anxiety and embarrassment knowing I begged to go here and now loathed it. But yet, my dad was merciful; he would attempt to sooth my anxiety. He'd say, "There's nothing scary about school. It's the place to be. Everyone's there."

Wednesday afternoon I was sitting in my favorite room of the Millersville University library. I was reluctantly digesting a book about chess for a class I knew I was going to ditch and telling myself that listening to Chris Lane's and Tori Kelly's single "Take Back Home Girl" on repeat wasn't distracting me. I go to this room in the library (I think it's called the garden room) because I can sit by a fireplace in an all-glass four-season type room. I either put my feet up on the coffee table or lay on my stomach on the ground, but no matter what position I'm in, whenever I look outside, the sidewalks and streets are cluttered with clusters of students. And I think to myself..."This is the place to be, everyone is here." But on Wednesday, it didn't feel like that. It felt like school was scary. It was 4:30pm on a day where the sun was refusing to shine. I sat in the darkness of this room, this room that does not have lights, and thought, "school is kind of scary, it's kind of lonely." See, here's the thing. I never knew what school was like outside of my 8am-2pm schedule. When my classes were over, I'd leave school and take the long way home to Jason's.

But I can't anymore.

My Facebook page bio tells you that I study secondary ed and English at Millersville University, that I went to Lancaster Mennonite, and that I live in Lancaster, PA. It doesn't tell you what my relationship status is. And what it is, is "single." However, I think a more appropriate term would be, "very voluntarily single and don't hit on me because if I was willing to give Jason Stallings (!!!) up to focus on school, then there is no way in hell I would ever try to be with you." A.K.A Facebook's coined status "it's complicated." And that's what I did. I asked Jason for a break that would extend over the course of my spring semester so I could see what "the college experience" was. But that "break" quickly turned into a solidified "break-up." The break-up portion being his decision.

I'm assuming that the phrase "college experience" is making some of my more legalistic Christian followers nod their head in disappointment and add my name to their Wednesday night church service prayer list. So before y'all implode with disapproval, let me give you my definition.

College Experience:

ˈkälij , ik-ˈspir-ē-ən(t)s

noun

1. a 2-5 year time period where a young adult expresses curiosity, defines independence, and achieves goals whilst making mistakes and memories.

I initiated this break (now turned break-up) so I could take the next few weeks, months, years to be a quintessential college kid. Will I find myself walking into a haze of smoke in some friend of a friends apartment? Maybe. Will I find myself at a party where everyone is drinking everything but water out of their Nalgene bottles? Hopefully. Will I be able to walk across a stage in 2 years, diploma in hand and a variation of cords draped around my neck? Surely.

School is not a scary place. It's the place to be. It's where everyone is at.